I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
