smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
