I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
