i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
