please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to make out with him forever
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
