So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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