my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
