I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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