Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
