I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
