Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
