he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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