Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
