Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
