How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
