Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
