I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
