Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think my mom watched the whole time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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