Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
