Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
