Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
