You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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