a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
