He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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