So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
