ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
