the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
