I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
