ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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