1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
