I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
