When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
