You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
