when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she looked like the before picture.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
