ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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