hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
