no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
