Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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