I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
