Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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