I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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