please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
