he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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