Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
