Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
