Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
