Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
