Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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