so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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