I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
