he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
